Addendum: Being-With/Being-Without
The following exercise will take approximately 10 minutes. On a blank sheet of paper draw six circles and label each with the six core emotions shown in the graphic below. Initially, pick a primary caregiver from your childhood. (You can also choose a current relationship). Next, draw a circle either all the way inside each “emotion circle,” partially inside, or outside each circle. Your choice signifies your experience of how much each emotion was allowed with this particular person.
For example, you might feel your caregiver was fully accepting of your joy. So you place a circle fully inside the Joy circle. But this caregiver was not open to accepting or allowing your anger and you would place your circle outside the anger circle. As for sadness, you could bring some (but not all) of your grief and heartache to this person. Your circle might be 60% in and 40% out of the sadness circle.
It is also possible to use this exercise focusing on how much of each emotion you are willing to be-with each core emotion with significant others in your life. (Partner, children, siblings, colleagues, etc.)
This simple exercise, despite what seemed to be adequate care and support during childhood, offers the contours of why we often feel unmet (and even alone).
[Place a circle of your own inside, partially inside, or outside each circle depicting how much your primary caregiver was WITH you in each emotion.]
