AND is always hidden-in-plain-sight, calling the shots. Attachment research is remarkably clear: When a child experiences trusted access to AND, that child will be predictably secure and at ease in her life. We now have thousands of research studies from every continent, each arriving at this same conclusion. Some have begun to call attachment research "The Science of AND."

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When a child can’t trust AND (when her caregiver can’t offer ways to mutually negotiate AND), that child will be insecure and will need to establish a protective strategy to avoid the pain of no-AND (absence).

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I’m hunching you can’t think of a recent novel or movie dealing with the human condition (whether written recently or 500 years ago) that didn’t center around AND. The drama and difficulty at the heart of any story happens because the key players require AND, are seeking AND, while struggling to negotiate AND.

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Here's the heartbeat of what every child needs to learn about AND:

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"I am with you. You are with me.

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No matter what happens, we will get through it together."

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You. Me. Us. You. Me. AND.

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I have never seen anyone outgrow a need for this core requirement of shared companionship. Always carrying a sense of you, me, and us into each of life’s circumstances is both good and healthy.

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